Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
