sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
