I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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