And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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