Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
