im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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