she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
