OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
