He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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