What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
