his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
