I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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