That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
