alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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