I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
