We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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