I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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