I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
