like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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