i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Alive.
So much puke
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
