Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize