I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
