is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
