omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
