my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
