so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
