She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
