what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
