Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Congratulations! We have a period
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
