she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
