she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
