some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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