I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
