So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
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You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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