the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need to calm my uterus...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
