I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want to make out with him forever
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I want is dick and wine.
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