i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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