Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
