Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
