why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
