i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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