I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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