obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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