On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
