So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
