Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there's paper in my vomit.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
