I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
