You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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