Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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