I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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