So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
