ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
