Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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