there's paper in my vomit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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