why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
