Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
