if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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