so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
