i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
