as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
