Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize