Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
