this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
