Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
