Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
