Don't you send me to vm
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
