went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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