I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Small penises have feelings too.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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