Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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