we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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