your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
