I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
