I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
