Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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