if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
